I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
