I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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