If that was your dad, he is hot
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I am mentally ready for anal.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
