My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
