perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
