Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
