so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
