be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I deserve this hangover.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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