when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
