So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't put those talents on a resume
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
