I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
