u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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