and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
