The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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