My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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