Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
