Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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