She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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