and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
