Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
