Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
barbara walters just said penis...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
