This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
