im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I did not marry a roomba.
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