CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
