I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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