We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
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The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
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Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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