i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
