You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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