i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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