I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
