Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
