Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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