i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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