Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
