I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
