apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
