my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
