I bet he comes in French.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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