Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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