did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
vagina is talking i cant
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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