Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
