Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
