i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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