So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
