He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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