The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
