Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
