I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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