I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
