Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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