my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
