my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
