Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My cat gives me a boner
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
