do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
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