1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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