Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
