so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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