and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
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It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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