OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
