i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
