highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
