Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
