i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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