yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
