take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
