You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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