I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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