Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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