You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
