I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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