You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
