Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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