WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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