Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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