I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
