mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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