I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
